I just finished proofing a student's college essay, and I am filled with an assortment of feelings. Teaching has to be the hardest job in the world. How do I motivate students who aren't already intrinsically motivated and still provide challenging material for the students who eat up everything you give them in a matter of moments? My senior class this year is brilliant, albeit a bit lazy at times. They drive me nuts, make me want to pull my hair out on a weekly basis, and I'm pretty sure I have seen some additional wrinkles lately because of them; even though they seem incorrigible at times, they're ridiculously charming. They can be exasperating, and then turn around and be humble and giving. Sometimes I feel my heart can't take any more of this. How can I love a group of people so much, and want to push them out of a moving car at the same time (Don't worry people, I don't REALLY want to do that.)?
So anyway. . . I just finished reading this essay written by one of my students, and it was fantastic! I don't take any credit for getting her to where she is in writing--she was brilliant before I knew her. But I know that once this group of students graduates, there will be an empty place in my heart. I enjoy the first 15 minutes of my day when I get to see my seniors. We may not talk about much, but I enjoy "listening" to their conversations about soccer or SATs, and I like laughing with them, and sometimes at them, and seeing their smiling faces.
With Christmas quickly approaching, and basically only a few school weeks before the end of the first semester, I'm realizing how little time I have left to make an impression on these students. What do they think of me? And what will I leave them with when they graduate in June. I jotted a quick note on this college essay about how proud I was of the student, but does that really mean anything to her? I remember wanting my teachers to think I was a good student, but I don't know how much a comment like that would have resonated with me when I was in high school. What can I say to show them how much I care in a way they will truly understand how special they are? I wish they would understand how proud I am of them, how much they inspire me to be better, more creative, more loving, how much I think the world of them and want them to succeed, how much I will miss them when they leave Morocco. Part of me just can't imagine being a teacher all my life and having to deal with these emotions year after year; but the rest can't imagine not being a teacher and not getting to enjoy and appreciate the good moments that create many of these emotions.
Although I may not always look back on these years in Morocco with fond memories, and although many days I don't look fondly at my students, I am so grateful for the impact they've had on my life and hope to do them justice in the last few months we have together.
All that being said. . . I get to leave Morocco in 4 days, and I'm UBER excited to be in Ohio for Christmas. Please have snow ready!!!
